The Advice shared by A Parent That Rescued Me when I became a New Dad

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the demands of being a father.

But the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a broader inability to open up amongst men, who often absorb damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a break - spending a few days overseas, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the expression of feelings and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad actions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."